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There’s a saying in AA: “If you don’t think you have any character defects, get into a relationship.”
Because intimacy is hard—it demands self-awareness and vulnerability that can be uncomfortable. It reveals our wounds and forces us to confront fear. It brings out the best of us but also surfaces our flaws.
As someone who has been with my wife for over 25 years, I can personally attest—there is no cruise control. Constant work is required. And when I accept that, embrace it, move towards it rather than avoid it—yeah, I have to deal with my shit in ways I’d prefer not to. But the result is always the same: I grow as an individual, and we grow closer as a unit.
Despite all this earned experience, I still have so much to learn about love and intimacy, about resolving conflict, and about how my hardwiring, early childhood experiences, unresolved trauma, and embedded patterns still get in the way. Whether you’re casually dating or deeply invested in a long-term partnership—this shit is confusing. The work will never be done. But the work is worth it.
So today I’m going to take my shot at de-encrypting some of the source code with probably my favorite relationship expert, Jillian Turecki.
A New York Times bestselling author of It Begins With You and host of Jillian on Love, Jillian has built her life’s work around a simple premise: if you want healthy love, stop pointing fingers and start looking within. She’s helped millions understand why we perpetuate destructive cycles—and how to break free from them.
“When you choose a partner, you’re not just choosing a partner, you’re choosing how you are going to feel about yourself every single day.”
- JILLIAN TURECKI
Today, we discuss:
- The Universal Fear Destroying Relationships
- Why Stress Kills Love Faster Than Cheating
- Childhood Wounds & Adult Romantic Patterns
- Modern Dating’s Accountability Crisis
- When To Stay vs. When To Walk Away
For those who prefer a visual experience, the conversation is available on YouTube. As always, the audio version streams wild and free on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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Peace + Plants,
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- Connect with Jillian: Website | Instagram | TikTok | Facebook
- Jillian’s Podcast “Jillian on Love”: Spotify | Apple Podcasts
- Book: It Begins With You
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Thank The Team: I do not do this alone. Send your love to Jason Camiolo for audio engineering, production, show notes and interstitial music; with additional audio engineering by Cale Curtis and additional music by Moby; Blake Curtis & Dan Drake for video, & editing; graphics by Jessica Miranda & Daniel Solis; portraits by Davy Greenberg, Grayson Wilder & Gizelle Peters; copywriting by Ben Pryor; and theme music by Tyler Piatt, Trapper Piatt & Hari Mathis.
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